I’ve always done a lot of photography at my Uncle’s farm–it’s simply too beautiful not to take advantage of the opportunity to capture this part of North Carolina’s spectacular rural beauty. But recently I’ve been taking a lot more photographs with the past in mind. I grew up coming to the farm on a regular basis and spent a lot of time there during my summers. My grandmother, who still lives here, was my champion when I was a little kid. She made me feel loved completely–unconditionally–and made me feel special (as I’m sure she made my sister and brother feel as well). Her love (and my grandfather’s) was the balm that helped me cope with the effects of child abuse, yet the trauma of that abuse haunted the sunny fields and cold creek water I ran through during the summer. No matter how joyful my time at the farm, a darker undercurrent always made itself felt.

The farm is full of amazing memories–memories of love and healing but also an underlying fear that the love couldn’t quite touch–yet. I created a mobile series called “ghosts and shadows” to represent and work through my conflicting feelings in relation to the farm. I’m nostalgic and I’m wary. And I’m full of love for that little girl who was so lost and yet so at home on the farm.

Here are four images from the series.

ghost and shadows i

ghosts and shadows ii: farm, sea, and sun

ghost and shadows iii: the three

ghost and shadows xi: the past as friend